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April 30th, 7-7:30 a.m.

May 2, 2019

3D777BF2-2157-45B4-B55C-49B3100A0E84When does the ordinary become the extraordinary? During a moment one experiences the beauty of being alive.

It’s a foggy misty morning, and I am having a tea on my porch. No work today. Observing the morning routine of several “stranger” neighbors. (as in unnamed) I am rarely around – so we nod in passing. I was able to “Good morning” a few today.

Once upon a time I wouldn’t dream of being seen in my nightgown and bathrobe sitting outside like this. Now I’m at an age where I do what I please, and without regard of what anyone thinks of me.

Even watching traffic is somehow special as it adds to the melody of various bird calls. I saw a few school buses, and smiled at memories of those days.

Three mourning doves playing on the steps directly across the street are reminding me of my late Grandmother, and times spent enjoying the day on her front steps.

Anyway, glad I changed routine when the opportunity presented itself, to sit here and experience the joy of being alive, surrounded by the beautifully extraordinary ordinary.

Gratitude is the Attitude.

The Final Straw

October 4, 2016

 

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It actually started long before the insignificant event of a toothache, and a trip to the dentist. When the dentist told me I’d required a root canal, and a crown, and what it would cost, I’d never expected that to be the harbinger of the end of my marriage.

For several years after losing my job I was told what a burden I was, financially, to the family. Never mind that there were years when I was the one working, while my spouse went through several operations, and he was unable to work as a result. We’d struggled then as well, yet I never once placed blame because I knew we would manage somehow.

When I got home after getting the news from the dentist, my husband exploded at the cost, and insisted I have the tooth yanked rather than saving it. He’d responded, and as far as I was concerned, for the last time, “You’re a burden on this family. Get a job if you want dental coverage.” Our insurance didn’t cover it, so it was out-of-pocket. I’d refused to lose a tooth, because I know my worth, regardless of anyone else’s view. So, in an effort to be responsible, I’d shopped around getting the best quote available and booked the necessary appointments.

He gave me the silent treatment for 3 days, and was colder than a witch’s tit in winter towards me thereafter. And that was when I’d had The Final Straw.

I hired an attorney. Spent weeks going through all my belongings, giving away to charity what I couldn’t use or didn’t need, and putting the rest in a storage facility nearby. It took me from June to August, when I finally told my adult son that I would be divorcing his Father.

Two weeks later, I made the announcement to my husband. I’d written what I wanted to say on a piece of paper, that I’d tucked into my bra. I knew that words would fail me if I didn’t have them in my hand as a talisman to get through it.

The three of us were out in the backyard, my son on the pool deck with me, and my husband in the water. It was the day before our son was to return to college, but I was actually worried what might happen if I were to tell my husband while we were alone. It was traumatic, for all involved. My husband exited the pool without a word, going into the house with a stricken look on his face as I wept. Our son stayed a moment with me, and then went to look after his Dad.

Three weeks later I left for the UK. My husband and I went to the airport together. My fervent hope was that we’d remain friends, and with that in mind I took nothing from him. The house is still half mine, with the understanding we’d save it for our son.

That was September 11th, 2015. I have had an amazing journey since then that has given me a joie de vivre that had been missing from my life. As a woman forging a new path that was completely unexpected after 32 years of marriage, I can say that along the way I have found myself again.

My advice to anyone taking the time to read this is, “Carpe the hell outta that Diem, baby. This ain’t no dress rehearsal.” If you have the right attitude, The Final Straw can set you free.